After about 10 years of journeying this path of self-awareness and self-discovery I’ve found that the hardest part of moving on is doing so with your love still intact. To find sincere gratitude for the lessons that each experience has taught you and to transmute the energetic residue like disappointment, anger and sadness into something so much greater and more graceful. To let go in peace and with deeper understanding.
The challenge, I’ve gathered, is rooted in your ability to ride the fluctuating waves of emotions that completely consumes you on your worst days and nags you on the best.
My experiences have taught me that the more I hold back or try to avoid feeling what I’m feeling the longer it takes to get over it and the deeper I find myself stuck in the trenches filled with quicksand. The lower I feel and the more confused I get about why.
But when I surrender to my subconscious feelings and thoughts, I allow them to rise into my full awareness. Giving myself the time and space to walk through them for a full understanding of what’s going on so that I may truly grow and move on.
Subconsciously we already be knowing why, maybe not in its totality but we be having a better understanding than our consciousness is ready to accept. Prior to the conception of “The Full Circle”, you know, the epiphany that dawns on us as we come from under the haze of the overwhelm of our emotions in whatever situation that we find ourselves in? The message that whispers everso softly behind our eyes, confirming what we’d been feeling all along.
The observer in us watches us as we mosey right up in the ditch against our intuitions’ nudges. And that’s really okay, it’s actually expected. We are beings who evolve based off our experiences. We grow according to what we have done and learning why we shouldn’t have done it. The process is unique to each ones journey and what their soul has come to fulfill this lifetime but the foundation is all the same.
Experience until you learn, keep learning until you understand how to implement the lessons and then you grow, blossoming accordingly.
Before we’re able to bloom into our next phase, however, we have to let go of those parts of the experiences making us feel so heavy. Physically, yes but more so emotionally, energetically, mentally and spiritually. That’s where the heaviness starts to grow from, those places are ground zero for whatever seeds to grow in whatever soil is there, which eventually starts showing up in physical ways. And you can’t fully address emotional pains by only focusing on physical ailments or vice versa… the ailments will never go completely away and what does will resurface because the root has not been tended to and transmuted.
This simply means that in order to heal physically, we must acknowledge the emotional, mental and spiritual damages that could be the source of the physical problems we face. We have to go thru the motions of our emotions, sitting with our thoughts, objectively, and confronting them with gentleness and compassion, as you would (or should) a child.
Love is at the center of our souls and due to the reconstruction of society to focus more on tangible productivity as opposed to the immaterial, we have lost sight of the core of our true selves. Our focus on what we can see has blocked our knowing of what is hidden beneath our skin and in other dimensions.
I didn’t realize that I was on the path back to myself when I first started out on this journey. I just knew there was more than what I’d been privy to and I wanted, no, I needed more. I prayed for my Creator to guide me and petitioned my ancestors, guides and angels to support and protect my journey. I asked for greater understanding of the purpose of my self and life in general and for the discipline to stay focused on what mattered most. Next thing I knew, I was living inside the moon within myself.
Trudging through the thickness of the feelings and thoughts I’d internalized and kept to myself. A lot of things that didn’t belong to me was trapped inside of my moon because of my eagerness to help my loved ones as best I could. I learned how to skip over my feelings at an early age for the greater good for all. And then I learned how to bring them with me along the journey as we became friends, merging into one by way of understanding, accepting and forgiving. I realized that I could only be genuine in my desire to help others after I have learnt how to be there for myself. I had to take my time in getting to know all of who I am, why, who I desired to be, why and how I could best get there.
The moon is symbolic of our emotions and feelings. Each phase tells a different story and all of them bare a greater purpose collectively without taking anything away from them individually.
My journey through the moon has just reinforced my beliefs that true, genuine love is truly all we need to survive and thrive. It has taught me the definition of agape love and what it looks and feels like to me. Love for yourself is paramount and allows your love for others to be less egocentric and transactional. When you truly begin to love all of yourself you can easily recognize what loving another actually means for you.
For me, loving another is an automatic response to the energy I receive from them. And while that does seem transactional it is more genuine than the approach being transactional first. It’s the desire to love them because of who they are and who you are when you’re with and without them. To experience joy and serenity in their presence, when communicating with them whether in agreement or not. To be happy for their happiness and success whether they’re with you or not. To wish them well regardless of their life intertwining or separating from yours.
My journey back to love has shown me the most important piece of loving myself is to allow myself the freedom to fluctuate without resistance but with acceptance and understanding. To not hold on too tightly to anything outside of myself but to just enjoy the present moments of learning and loving. Stay faithful that everything is exactly as it should be and that whatever changes that may come next are for my greatest benefit. To trust in my inner knowing and just keep going, flowing and glowing in my energy, attracting what is meant for me and repelling what isn’t.
It is liberating and comforting to have found my way back home to the love within me. Despite whatever is happening outside of me, here, with love, is where true liberty is seeded and tended to for it to abound.
