Oftentimes we feel a type of way when someone has hurt our feelings in any capacity and they don’t apologize for it or own up to it.
I used to harp on the fact that some of the people who really left some hurtful imprints never apologized, provided an explanation or even acknowledged it.
It was today when the integration of my self-realization and awareness formed around those particular experiences. I realized that it really doesn’t matter whether they apologize, explain, acknowledge or own up to it when it comes to MY healing.
The experience still happened and things that are THAT deep rarely resolve by the actions or words of the ones that caused them.
Something that happened 10 years ago with someone I was extremely close to is just now coming full circle even after receiving an apology, explanation and their ownership of the situation years ago.
And it JUST dawned on me that the reason for that isn’t anything missing from or overlooked by THEM but a wholehearted acceptance of the matter was missing from me.
The pain was so deep that I was still acting subconsciously off that pain in all of my other connections. Even when I became aware of this, it took some time for me to integrate this awareness and make the necessary changes.
To basically find my way back to the surface with all of me intact I had to be patient with the process of deep sea diving and digging. I had to connect with myself and find my rhythm. Once I found my rhythm I had to learn to trust in it, to trust in my abilities and the divine protection within and all around me. I had to be confident in the fact that I was supported while I was doing the work of understanding my shadow. I had to constantly assure myself that I understood me and that’s all that mattered.
Others actions may be temporarily soothing because they’re nice to hear. It’s always nice to hear someone admit their wrongdoings to you whether intentional or not. Nevertheless, that does not determine your healing progress.
Life altering experiences are mentally and emotionally traumatizing. We begin to see and live life differently in order to atone for the things we seemed to have lost or that left a void within and this causes us to live more in our heads than with our hearts.
A part of my wholehearted understanding was accepting that things will never be the same and that particular experience does not define my life with anyone else. I had to accept responsibility for my actions in the experience and gain a deeper understanding of what I did and why. Then I had to let go of the pain by reminding myself that I am no longer that girl who gave someone else control over my world.
After understanding that I can’t control anybody or even understand everything and that my responses and actions now dictates every little thing in my life, I found true acceptance of this 10 year timeline.
No, love has not been lost. The truest love has just been found.
